As a mother, there is one thing I want for my daughters more than anything else. That one thing is for them to know how powerful they are, to be aware of the infinite strength that lies within them. I want them to know their beauty is not in their hair, their skin, or their body, but in the consciousness of their light.
My oldest daughter is going to be ten in October and I can see that she is beginning to take note of the way she looks. She is a beautiful spirit, she is kind and compassionate. When I look at her I also see a beautiful person. Her skin is golden brown, her smile is amazing, and her eyebrows are perfect. How do I get her to see herself the way I see her?
There have been a few instances where my daughter told me about other kids calling her ugly, she cried and expressed her sadness and anger. We’ve talked many times about how important is for her to know who she is. To know that the opinion and thoughts that matter the most about her are her own.
I’ve found that when she’s hurting, she needs me to comfort her, she needs to know I am in her corner. The first time I saw her cry because of someone else’s words it broke my heart. Then I remembered being bullied as a child myself. My parents wouldn’t allow me to shave my legs and I was constantly picked at because of it. One day when I was home alone I took my dad’s razor and shaving cream and went to work, I had no idea what I was doing. By the time I was done I had train tracks all up and down my legs. When my mother asked me why I did it I told her I was tired of everyone making fun of me and I began to cry. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and she said: “It doesn’t matter what they think.”
I remember that moment we shared like it was yesterday and in that moment I knew that she had been exactly where I was. She didn’t have to say it, I could see it in her eyes, I could feel it in her embrace. It was as if she was trying to shield me from the pain of others words with her arms. I changed that day, she planted a seed in me that grew into self-confidence. I didn’t come all at once but every time I faced a bully I would hear my mother say “it doesn’t matter what they think.” It reminds me of a quote that says “The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.”
Our children need to know we are real, that we have been where they are, and that we understand their pain, and as parents, we have to know that strength comes with time and growth. We want them to be strong and knowledgeable but we sometimes forget we have to teach them and give them time to apply what is being taught.
I make it a point to randomly tell my daughter she is pretty and/or smart. I remind her constantly who she is and I encourage her to remind herself and to train her mind. We have to teach our children to master their minds so they can master their lives.
How do I teach my daughter she is beautiful? By giving her a clear definition of what beauty REALLY is and constantly reminding her she is the beauty she desires others to see.